top space

The following discussion on Ladies_Who_Spank_Men@yahoogroups.com I found to be interesting, so am re-posting for readers who are not a member of this group. being honest, I did not read all the commments posted on this topic.

Re: Last Spanking Posted by: "betty keathley" our_ms_betty@yahoo.com our_ms_betty
Wed Nov 8, 2006 9:08 am (PST) Yes, Mike, you are perfectly welcome to use my post.

"Top space" does not come up often in spanking really, but it does come up in relation to more dungeony activities quite a bit (just to warn you in case you discourage discussion of the heavier activities on your blog.) I think that is because most spankos and most people who practice other activities don't see spanking as part of the larger BDSM community. There is some debate about whether it is or not, DEBATE WHICH WE WILL NOT GET INTO HERE, IS THAT CLEAR EVERYONE? but because that mindset exists people tend to mistakenly believe that what applies to heavier play does not apply to spanking and vice versa.

And as a result while the leather folk spend a great deal of time discussing things like mental dynamics, the experience of Topspace and subspace, and the reasons for it, most general spankos have never heard of it, even those who have experienced it. It is good to remember though that both parties need the adjustment time to "come down" afterwards. Ms. Betty-----


My reaction (DWCMIKE):
Since I am the husband that is spanked, I have not really thought of what my wife is thinking while she is spanking me. The one-sided conversation(lecture) of why I am being spanked takes part of my attention, and the wooden bath brush( or another instrument) captures the rest of my attention. Thus, the concept of 'topspace' is intriguing.

What is my wife thinking of while she is spanking me, and does she sometimes go into a topspace zone?

I believe that she is monitoring my reactions, monitoring the level of the spanking, and concentrating on the spanking she is administering, but that does not necessarily take up the entire intellectual capacity that any person has. Especially if this is the same bottom being spanked, that has been spanked hundreds of times before.
However, sometimes after the spanking she is ravenous for immediate sexual interaction, whereas other times we cuddle and kiss gently before progressing further, and at other times sex is not in the cards until much later that day or even the next day.

What are your reactions if you are the spanker?
If you are the spankee, does your partner sometimes go into a 'zone' The best word I can think of is 'euphoric' to attempt to describe the zone for the spanker.


The original letter was as follows: (sent to Ms. Betty)
My wife was still seated and watching me trying to dress just after she finished spanking me three or four weeks ago. As I was pulling up my underwear and trying to gently get them over my swollen ass after the spanking, I'm usually too embarrassed to look at her when I'm spanked and still bawling in front of her, it's humiliating and I generally can't look at her but this time I did and her expressions were interesting. I think that her thoughts were somewhere else; she was just spanking her crying husband as hard and as fast and plenty long enough to make sure that I was very sorry for doing what I did that was getting me spanked with her awful wooden hairbrush. I'm almost sure that she was thinking about other things as she was spanking me. As I was doing what I could to get my underwear over my spanked ass, it was as if she was saying to herself," well I'm finished here, now what's next;" I'm still dancing some in front of her holding a burning spanked ass cheek in each hand and trying my best to pull up my underwear while still sobbing from the spanking. That spanking was almost mechanical and yet properly done. She had a spanked husband standing there in front of her.
I want to ask her about it but I'm not sure what to ask. She does not like criticisms or suggestions when it comes to spanking, she knows that she knows how to do it and by the amount of frantic dancing I was doing across her lap and the dance that I did in front of her just after and holding spanked ass cheeks proved it to me.

Ms. Betty responded as follows:
You know your wife quite well and have been spanked by her often enough to know if she is giving you her full attention. I found your post interesting though because I do something similar. Often right after I've finished a spanking I seem "not quite there". I often have a very grim expression, usually a slight frown. Sometimes if he has not been spanked by me before the man I've just finished spanking thinks he's displeased me in some way. Though this is almost always far from the case.
The thing is despite outward appearances I am not ignoring the naughty boy I have just spanked. I am not thinking about my chore list or errands I must run or my waiting pile of homework. I'm not thinking about the session I just finished, either. To be honest, I'm not really thinking anything. Part of me is monitoring him very careful. I prefer whenever possible to have someone completely back to normal before they leave after a spanking. To that end, I'm watching him? Is he still crying? Are his eyes red? What's the expression on his face? Is he trembling? Are his eyes vacant or glassed over? I'm also listening to the way he's breathing, waiting for it to come back to normal, listening for any other little sounds he might be making. I will admit taking a little bit of pleasure in that gasp he makes when his underwear slids into place and he first feels the pressure of the fabric and elastic on his hot, sore skin. His eyes go wide and the reality of what just happened hits him all over again. It's a wonderful moment.

The thing is that is only taking a small part of my mind. I have no idea where the rest of me is. However, this is fairly common. I'm sure you and most of our other members are familiar with the concept of "subspace". Not as many people know that there is a complimenatry state "Topspace". This is caused by a release of chemicals in the brain just as subspace is, however the chemicals are slightly different, still when it goes right both parties feed into each other and they are off in their own little world. Often I tell people that when I am in the middle of a session they could hold the Rose Parade, the Super Bowl and the Second Coming in my living room less than 10 ft from me and I would not notice. This is because when it is going well I'm in that space, he is in his and all that exists during that time is the session. Just as it takes a little while after it's over for the person being spanked to come back to normal, it takes we who do the spanking some time to do the same.

However, as I said at the begining you know your wife best, and if you think her mind is really elsewhere you should talk to her about it. Don't challenge, don't complain, just say she looks worried about something.