The Perpetual Question
A reader wrote this to me privately recently:
Hi Mike: I'm a regular reader of your blog, but I haven't yet disclosed my level of interest to my wife. Thought about it for a long time, but still waiting for the right time. Nevertheless, I'm sure I'm one of many that consider you somewhat of a legend in the F/M spanking scene, and consequently, I want to ask you for your opinion. If you don't find time to respond, it is Ok because I'm sure you receive many similar questions. I'm on a conference call the other day, while working from home, and I hear a little "ahh" from the next room. I listened for a couple of seconds, and realized the vacuuming continued to happen, banging against the wall. So, I knew that whatever happened was not some injury requiring my attention. However, later my wife walked by asking if I heard her make a noise. When I answered yes, she became very angry with me because I did not come running. Two days have passed, and she is still mad at me. She is feeling unimportant and hurt because I did not come to her rescue to make sure she was OK. I'm annoyed at her, because this "needing to be rescued and coddled" has happened numerous times now. While I think it is silly and immature, I find my spanking side wondering if this is a chance to suggest that future situations where she feels I have let her down, be met with spankings. On one hand, I think the notion of always being the victim and making me out to be the bad guy that isn't there for her is ludicrous, but on the other hand, I wonder if I should just suck it up and try and make something positive out of it.
This is where I wonder if you have some advice. You use spankings to solve problems, but do you use them to solve problems of this sort where you might think that you are right and she is wrong? Its funny, but I feel that regardless of who is right and who is wrong, if a spanking is involved, maybe I won't care so much.
Anyway, great blog, and if you have any advice, it is much appreciated.
Thanks, MC.
**************
Well MC, maybe it is time to re-visit this topic, briefly.
I have no idea of how long you are married, how liberated or rigid your relationship is, and what other factors exist in your lives. All of these might change the answer.
Recommendation One: purchase the "Please spank me" booklet from the http://www.auntkaysdwc.com/ IT will give you a little more confidence, before discussing with your wife.
Recommendation Two: Make certain that there are no problems to speak about for a while, so that the harmonious nature of your marriage is in a good phase. Every relationship has ups and downs, so don't broach the topic when other difficulties are present. Be open and honest with your wife, and bring the elephant out of the closet, and talk about your desires. Go slowly, and give her lots of time to think about it.
Recommendation Three: If she does not categorically dismiss the idea as childish and totally crazy, ask if she wold like to look at the DWC website. Remember to keep stressing that you do NOT want to be treated as a child, that she is NOT replacing your mother, but simply your partner, who may use spankings to create a more harmonious situation whenever she feels it is necessary. It allows her to be in charge, and when upset, have a way to deal with your transgressions.
Recommendation Four: When reading the DWC website, state that much of what is written is excellent, whereas other parts are "too over the top". Give her the power to decide how she might like to start implementing spanking in your relationship. I would also STRONGLY recommend buying the lifestyle kit.
Almost Lastly: Whether you think it trivial or serious, if she thinks you should be spanked for something she thinks is important, you must give up the right to say no! But the lifestyle kit, gives a well thought out plan of how to initiate spakings in your relationship...
Lastly: please start at my blog at the beginning, and skim to find out how spanking has developed between Lynn and I.
DEFINITELY MY LAST THOUGHT FOR NOW!! Nothing you read on this blog, or the DWC website will fit your exact situation. Also, some of what you read may be too extreme, whereas some which you read may be too mild! I find some of the people that wrote in Real People, or who signed the guest book at the Dwc website to be too extreme for our view of DWC. We also do not agree with any drawing of blood. Your partner may not by nature wish to cause pain. The idea of a dwc relationship is something that grows over time, as the improvements in your living together in love blossoms even fuller with spankings.
DEFINITELY MY LAST THOUGHT FOR NOW!! Nothing you read on this blog, or the DWC website will fit your exact situation. Also, some of what you read may be too extreme, whereas some which you read may be too mild! I find some of the people that wrote in Real People, or who signed the guest book at the Dwc website to be too extreme for our view of DWC. We also do not agree with any drawing of blood. Your partner may not by nature wish to cause pain. The idea of a dwc relationship is something that grows over time, as the improvements in your living together in love blossoms even fuller with spankings.
good luck
bottoms up
RED
10 comments:
That's all very good advice. If you can find some occasion to suggest she try it, even a bit, you should be on your way. If she will, be "extra good" to her for a while, then kind of slack off again. Eventually, she should make the connection. Anyway, it's most important to realize that if you get to the point of a DWC type arrangement, it means that you agree to her spanking you when you may not think it's justified. At our house, the agreement is "anywhere, anytime, for any or no reason" . Just make sure it's what you really want before you let the genie out of the bottle.
Dan
Mike
Great posting today! Think your last point was the best. What a man may consider trivial to his wife may be the most important. It was only when I began to
understand that the little trivial things that Sara chose
to punish me for were the very things that were creating problems in our marriage.
Thanks to spanking Sara has said that I have become a more thoughtful and considerate person. Of course when I backslide in any area the swats
tend to be harsher since she says I should know better.
Mike, thank you again for your great blog and the effort you put into helping people and their relationships.
Fortunately, I never had a problem suggesting this to my wife and I/WE have been following your path for about 18 mths. The first spanking she gave me "for her own purposes" was in 1977 after I had too much to drink & spoiled her plans for the evening. It would be almost 30 years before another spanking(s) like that. Although similar activity never completely disappeared, it was extremly rare while the kids were growing up.
I have never read "Please Spank Me" and my ideas may be off base. Baring in mind that "you generally get what you pay for" I'm certain that this guide will be VERY beneficial. As you point out every couple is different, and, in addition, what may work at one special moment may fail miserably at another. Life is much like playing the symbols, it is not so much how, as when !
Perhaps some wives might benefit from more of a gradual approach, rather than jumping into the deep end of the pool. While some wives would no doubt have an immediate realization of the benefits of domestic disciple, I fear that most would find the concept foreign and not give it the consideration it deserves.
I'll keep my two cents short, in part because that's what they may be worth, but the following condensation of my web wandering may benefit someone:
1- Soften the beach head- prepare her mentally & physically. The wife may be swamped. My efforts into housework have showed me why. Help her around the house for a couple of weeks. Show her you care. Let her relax a bit. This maneuver has proven to pick up the sex life in itself. But you want to show her the benefits of this life style & at the same time see if you are ready.
2- Prepare. Buy guide, study. learn. Sara's Hank above makes an IMPORTANT POINT. Men & women see different things as important. Recently I've been 'corrected' on incidents that happened 20 yrs ago! Obviously they were so important that they never left my wife's mind. I'd suggest you buy an unimposing spanking tool, a hairbrush would be great, but good ones seem to be hard to find. This will provide both an available device and an important "ice breaker" once you move to #3
3- Pick you time, as Mike points out, relationships have their ups and downs. My #1 above helps the relationship achieve an "up". I'm the first one to admit that I'm NOT a relationship expert, but maybe at an intimate moment you might suggest, "Honey how would you like to help me become a better husband"
4- You'd better be sure this is what you want. After 2 or 3 spankings the fun wears off. I ask myself EVERY time, when the paddle is at work, why did I ever think this was a good idea? At this point I'm too stuborn to quit.
Here are some resources I've found good:
http://geocities.com/toyboy101/
After you sign up at the group below, go to FILES & then Debbie's Gift. Download Lady of the House.pdf.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/VOTDiscussionGroup/
The third & last:
Sexual Power for woman.pdf
http://www.francescaspizza.com/
The thought of being spanked is very exciting. Knowing that, as my pants go down and I am getting into position, things are going to get very hot has my heart beating fast. I feel her arm tighten about my waist as she informs me that I am in for a long session.
Then, from the fist kiss of the brush, I am wondering what was I thinking? I can't hold still as I instinctively twist to avoid the next swat. I ask that it be not so hard to deaf ears and when she says "get up," but bottom is bright red from top to bottom and side to side. I have learned not to say anything. She has not problem with returning me to the same spot and spanking me again just as long and hard.
It doesn't matter to her if it has been five hours, five days, or five minutes since I was spanked, if she thinks I have earned it, I get it.
She doesn't fully understand my need for this, but cares enough to provide that need. When I tell her that she sure know how to give perfect spankings (ones that leave you on fire but do not injure), she says she had a good teacher.
I do love that woman and there isn't anything I would not do for her.
Lee
"Remember to keep stressing that you do NOT want to be treated as a child.".......
.....except, Mike....that is EXACTLY what many husbands DO want.
Remember, everyone is different.
Maybe so, but I have to keep stressing to my wife that she is not my mother.
Spanking, like tobacco and alcohol, is for adults, not children.
Lee
I suggest that you decide whether you just want your bottom spanked or you want to live as a submissive to your partner. The first is easy enough to arrange whilst the second is a life changing decison that will give you and your partner intense satisfaction.
To find out which it is book a session with a domme in your area (or out of town). There are plenty of adverts on the net. Go ahead and have your ass spanked, whipped and thrashed. If the experience leaves you light headed and then calm for two or three days, you might well be submissive. If you don't enjoy it then at least you know that the domestic discipline lifestyle is not for you.
If you are a submissive then you need to pluck up the courage to tell your partner. Doing this over a drink probably won't work (she may burst out laughing) so start by doing tasks around the house like laundry and bathroom cleaning. Then write a letter setting out your thoughts and feelings. You will be surprised. Your partner will want to know more and after that you will either be in your new relationship or looking for a new one.
If you don't enjoy the thrashing with the domme then say nothing and no-one will be the wiser. You can stick with the fantasy.
Good Luck
Michel
Dan I agree with what you wrote, but not about deliberately backing off. The more you try to please your partner, the better chance that she will adopt some of this lifestyle.
Hank: Well stated! Back sliding also should get a greater effort on Sara's part.
Gary: Thanks for the nice words, and for taking the time to explain concepts more fully for others to read, and for links for people to visit. Everyone's approach is different, but maybe those seeking will find what is exactly perfect for them.
Lee: wonderfully stated. Maybe you r partner might like to add a word sometime... You are very lucky.
Anon: You could be right, but we prefer being equals... except as to who gets spanked.
Lee: I like your response, thanks..
Michael: I think one can be in this life without being a submissive. I think of it more as one way to solve problems, that hinder keeping the spark of love present. The only submissive thing is that I get spanked. Everything else is negotiated for fairness in what we do in everyday life.
Mike
getting a real old fashioned spanking often is given to me at my request. having misbehaved which got her extremely upset had me willing to be punished in order to clear the air and life go on in peace. my whippings are given to me in our bathroom with me over her knees using her btahbrush on my bare bottom. believe me it really stings and has me begging to stop, however it continues until she has my backside red as a beet. try this method, it works.
anon: please choose a name, so that it gives more credence that this is a specific person giving details, as opposed to the same person writing a few times. Thanks
Mike
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